I Can't Believe I Have to Spell This Out

I'm With StupidImage by swanksalot via Flickr

The CIA did not I repeat, did not spend $400 million dollars to organize the Iranian protests that have rocked the region for the past week. I would have thought that this went without saying, but apparently conspiracy theorists and people with the logical reasoning skills of a doped up schizophrenic are re-reporting regime propaganda like it's actually news. Way to go guys, maybe next you can bring us the gripping story of Sasquatch, or how the moon-landing was false. Or, and I'm just thinking out loud here, you could stop dropping LSD before publishing what is obviously a propaganda campaign designed to undermine the Iranian protests.

When you visit Pak Alert Press you see a nice little graphic banner at the top with letters stenciled into the bottom right corner "We tell you what they don't!". Yes, that's right, you tell me what they don't because they have this thing called journalistic integrity, paired with common sense and a firm grasp on reality, it can make for news that doesn't sound like it came from a fucking clown car. Don't believe me? It's OK, I came prepared with a list of reasons why the CIA didn't spend $400,000,000 on funding the protests taking place in the streets of Iran.

1.) The opposition has been staging peaceful protests. Obvious emphasis on the word peaceful. When was the last time the CIA ever spent $400 million on anything peaceful? Go ahead, take a minute. It's cool, I've got time. Didn't find anything did you? That's because that's not how an intelligence agency spend their money. True, they could spend that money undermining the regime, but they would have also spent a good portion of it on munitions that would have been waiting for the resistance at the appropriate time. The fact that we have not seen protesters walking around with AK-47s should be sufficient proof that the CIA wasn't involved. Morons

2.) I am disgusted that people would try and diminish what the people of Iran are doing right now, and the sacrifices that they have made and continue to make by trying to tag this on US meddling. News flash, those people didn't show up because of some covert black bag CIA operation to undermine the Islamic Republic, the Islamic Republic did a perfectly good job of undermining itself when it rigged the elections to ensure that Khamenei got the guy he wanted. Even the Guardian Council was forced to admit that there was mass voter fraud found, even though they maintained the results were legitimate. The people are protesting because they are not stupid; their government tried to pull a fast one over on them and underestimated the average intelligence of its citizens. Way to go tools. Next time you want to try and con a population carrying degrees in science, engineering and math, you will step it up a notch. If you went into the streets of Tehran today and told protesters that the CIA is the reason they were out there, they would promptly beat you to death and you would have it coming.

3.) Ockham's Razor states that the simplest answer is inevitably the right one. So, would you say that the CIA spent $400 million on a half-assed plan to launch an assault on the Iranian government in the devastating form of peaceful protest? Or, would you say that the ruling regime, scared shitless of an imminent revolution, are spewing as much ludicrous misinformation and propaganda as possible trying to confuse dissidents and distract from the truth. If you chose "regime propaganda" then congratulations, your IQ exceeds that of a squirrel.

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